Nothing On the Field: Eileen Rand

When the world looks at you through predetermined eyes what happens when the perception is clouded and wrong? What happens when a huge fog is cast over you and a heavy mist hampers what others might ultimately see if the sun were to shine? What happens when the world expects you to act in a certain way and you don’t? What happens when all you want is to be loved, accepted and understood for who you are and not what others want you to be? What happens will take you deep inside the heart, mind and soul of Eileen Rand who shares a story that I hope will be a wake-up call for teens, young adults, adults and everyone that Anorexia is real, that the battle to overcome the illness takes time, energy and the support of the right people. But first, let’s meet Eileen and join her on her journey from despair and darkness and into the light.

What happens when your family turns a blind eye? What happens when they refuse to help and understand? Eileen’s mom was her champion and her main means of support until she could no longer function. Then there was no one. Beginning with important definitions on pages 7-8 and then followed by a detailed explanation of Eating Disorder Statistics, readers will understand and learn from the start just how widespread this illness is.
Included you will learn the Mortality Rates and discover those at risk.

Imagine being confined to a hospital right before Thanksgiving. Imagine leaving Rhode Island Hospital to be sent to the cold, austere and unfeeling facility at John Hopkins. Some nightmares happen while you are asleep but others will happen during a car trip that set the tone for things to come that would not be what Eileen expected. Left in the hands of the hospital staff, Eileen found out early on that she was no longer in control of her diet, movements or food selection. Her brother Jeff was not sympathetic and the end result was quite frightening as Eileen entered a world unfamiliar to her. At 47 pounds and in serious danger of dying, she no longer had the power to decide or make decisions regarding her care. At UCLA they were kind and helped her when she felt stressed or afraid. But at John Hopkins you might say that a more than tough love attitude was in place and being left to sleep in a cold environment wearing a heart halter monitor and unable to find a comfortable place for herself, Eileen came to realize that this stay was not going to be easy. Afraid that she was going to suffer from refeeding syndrome, which is explained in detail in Chapter 2, Eileen learned just why her food choices and food quantities had to be limited.

At first she thought it would be okay and one nurse was not so bad. But, lunch was a rude awakening when told she had no choices and they would decide for her. Imagine having to earn food privileges. Sounds like a prison environment, doesn’t it? She was 47 pounds and they wanted her to weigh 107. Chapter 3 describes her experiences at John Hopkins, the fact that they treated her like a child using Behavior Modification strategies like a dean of discipline or teacher might implement in a classroom to get Eileen or their students to conform to the behaviors they wanted. Isolated, alone and afraid, Eileen was left to deal with the drugs that she was forced to take, a brother who would not take her home and physical problems that no one took seriously. Constipation, gum disease, told she had to eat at least 3500 calories a day, her blood sugar too high, and from what I could see from what they had her eat, I am sure that more of her bloods had to come back abnormal. She felt disliked, shunned and cast aside, and she wanted to leave but could not. Chapter 4 explains just how bad the constipation became, how it affected her system, lead her to try and escape and to desperately call on a brother who seemed devoid of caring. Added in was the fact that Eileen was the primary caregiver for her mom and her family did not seem to understand the gravity of her illnesses or decline. Eileen’s only anchor was her mother. Chapter 4 continues to explain her struggle with gaining and keeping the weight on. Hoping to leave and go home she begged her brother to get her released but his wife wanted no part of her and the words spoken would and could never be taken back.

The hospital staff was becoming more than annoyed with Eileen’s defiant attitude and the hard time she had following the rules. Learning that if she did not adhere to the schedule and the regime she would be dismissed and understanding her brother would no longer take her back, what was Eileen going to do? Tossed out and left to fend for herself along with bus tokens and a list of homeless shelters that she forgot to take with her and could not longer get, she was blessed in finding help from a bus driver. Her next stop was Karis Home. Chapter 5 tells about Karis Home, the women and children’s division of The Baltimore Rescue Mission, their services, rules and that it is a short-term solution. Learning about the other residents and hearing their stories brought the spotlight on the Karis Home. But, Eileen did not fair too well and with the help of someone she referred to as Miss Jerry she got her coffee which she needed to help her with her stomach problems. Then she got into some serious trouble back at the hospital regarding the food and food choices and the end result she was she was made to leave permanently. Karis Home kept her until her brother Jeff relented and found Cortland Place where she would have her own space. But there were other humiliations, and Eileen missed her mother, her warm hugs and her unconditional love. She has two brothers: Jeff and Greg. One would desert her and cast her aside and the other frustrated, angry and afraid for his sister, appeared to be hanging on to his hard line when it came to her unrelenting attitude, that she got what she deserved and the nagging feeling that she just might die.

Read Chapter 6 to meet Eileen as a youngster, to see her relationship with her father, to discover her punishments and to learn that she is quite smart, does and did well in school and eventually graduated college. A childhood where she felt isolated from other kids and at times bullied and shunned. Rich kids usually got it all but some kids, like Eileen, were victimized and little was done to help them. Chapter 7 focuses on her bout with appendicitis and why her family wanted little if anything to do with her. A father who became angry and cast her aside when he heard that she did something that would change her life. Losing her bedroom, forced to work to live in her own house, Eileen became a prisoner not only of her obsession with weight but within her own family and self too.

Throughout the book we hear Eileen’s voice pleading to be heard, understood and respected. Heartfelt and heartbreaking, this story is being told to send a message to everyone that Anorexia is serious and as she relates can cause you to do things that you might not otherwise consider. Chapter one ends with her trying to explain to her family why her mother needed private care and help and that without her she would not survive. There was the time she ran away to a hotel room, her brothers not wanting any part of her and being told by someone that she was going to find herself in Acute Care in Colorado. But, would this help? What would it take for Eileen to realize the devastation she was doing to herself? The treatment by the doctors, family and the fact that all she wanted was to be accepted for herself, Eileen attempted to make herself sick by taking sleeping pills, wanting the attention focused on her so that everyone would realize just how much she not only needed them but needed help. And eventually she changes, saying, “My approach to getting well: it’s not something you can force. It happens in God’s time.”

Meet Eileen in the first chapter in Part Two, see how she looks now and understand that after years of enduring this illness she “Wears it on my body, on my person, and I can’t escape that.” Looking in the mirror just what does she see? Herself at a young age, now or the person she would like to become?

Women are often misportrayed in the media—news, magazines, ads and on television programs. How is the perfect body, face or person defined? If you look closely at an actress who is featured in a magazine and then seen on a live talk show you might and should see a world of difference because you can photo shop a picture, airbrush away the wrinkles and the test of time but in person it is different. Anorexia is not just Eileen’s problem; there are so many young actresses, actors and teens that want to be thin, super thin and accepted.

Eileen had many doctors, psychiatrists, homes, bouts with weight gains and losses. She was readmitted to UCSD many times, which I know is an excellent hospital since my mom was there and they saved her life, Eileen needed to be on a program that would focus and help deal with her eating disorder. But, the saddest and most horrific scene is the one between her and her brother Greg that you need to read for yourself to understand the gravity of the situation. The entire book focuses on her stays at many different facilities, her loyalty to her mom and her hope to find a way back to being normal. Understand that she had Anorexia and although you might think it meant she did not want to eat all she ever did was crave food. Some anorexics are misdiagnosed, others commit suicide and some are just written off by their family and friends. The chapters are filled with so much information about the illness, her ability to make food choices and her amazing spirit to survive. Can she forgive her family? Will she ever be able to communicate with Jeff and Greg? Will they realize that all she wants is to be loved UNCONDITIONALLY without reservation? Then meet Clayton Bye the author who recorded her words, interviewed her and her brother Jeff and really brought this story and the information needed to light and to the surface in Chapter 20 and Chapter 21.

The research is extensive and the resources at the end valuable and numerous. Added in Eileen has information about the people who helped her along the way, How Page Love; MS RD. CSSD, LD Supported her and worked with her brother really makes this story come alive not just for Eileen but for readers too.

“ I feel like a creature from another planet,” says Eileen. I say, “Eileen: you are strong, smart, courageous and have created a resource that I know will help young teens, parents, doctors, psychiatrists, medical providers, medical staff, guidance counselors, nurses, school nurses, social workers and adults to understand the warning signs of Anorexia, to pay attention when someone appears to be losing so much weight and is eating. You are definitely not a creature from another planet but someone who is working hard each and every day to become the person she wants to see looking back at her in the mirror. Thanking people and giving back is great but we need to thank you for writing this book, Nothing on the Field. You too will complete and accomplish everything you want!”

Fran Lewis: These are my thoughts